# Mental health



## daisymini (Feb 27, 2018)

Not sure how to start this, but...here goes
When you spend a lifetime of putting a brave face on, getting on with things, never showing a weakness I guess something has to give at some point...
I think mine is now,  
I'm finding I don't know anymore how I should feel? 
Should I be sad I've lost my husband who wasn't the greatest but I guess I must haveI loved him?
Am I angry I feel I wasted 15 years of marriage?
Am I just angry because I've been disabled all my life and I've just settled for what was easy?
Am I angry at myself for never achieving my potential taking the easy way?
Why did life always seem better on the other side but never was?
Why did everybody around me seem to get it right and I always got it so wrong?
Why is everyday a battle with my conscience?
Why have I never learnt to love myself?
Why have I not learnt that drink is the root of my evil, it makes me into somebody I do not recognise!

This is a small snapshot of the many questions I battle with myself the minute I wake up.

I know Nobody can answer them but myself......

I hang onto the fact I think I I'm a happy person at heart and I'll come out the other side eventually.


I was just about to post above then realised that is the biggest self pitying drivel that should have been kept to myself but for those who know me I just wanted you to have an insight to what's behind the smile


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## oldish hippy (Feb 27, 2018)

mental health is a battle


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## trixie88 (Feb 27, 2018)

hi. sue.  

so sorry you are feeling this way....

don't forget you may still be going thru the grieving process which takes many forms for different people.

I think lots of us go thru life thinking the grass is greener on the other side.     if we all threw our problems into the middle ...would we pick out another persons problem...or would we choose our own??????

you are a great inspiration to many......you are a bubbly friendly and a great personality.

keep strong sue....you will get there.......don't be too hard on yourself.
sincerely hope you will feel better soon...

take care, cos we care.  trixiexxx


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## mistericeman (Feb 27, 2018)

Welcome to a mostly invisible group.....

Days of struggling to find a reason to get up in the morning... Let alone frequent visits and long walks with "the black dog" 

I've learnt to recognise the signs and to just try to ride the rollercoaster when it happens, always with the though that at some, point you'll be landing back at the entry/exit point and gain jump off for a spell. 

Happiest when away with the dogs in the van by the sea (seems to settle me somehow) 

Not sure if any of that makes sense.... BUT try to remember your never alone....
And as, long as you have recognised it.... You can 'deal' with IT.


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## The laird (Feb 27, 2018)

SUE,FROM WHAT I KNOW OF YOU I THINK YOU ARE A BRAVE AND VERY VERY SPECIAL PERSON,I /we see you as a very strong and courageous girl,I know others and myself admire you and this must have been very hard to post.


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## Robmac (Feb 27, 2018)

You've been through the mill Sue, life often deals cruel blows to those who deserve it least.

You are still one of the most respected and admired people in this community so take some comfort from that.

The day you stop smiling, I'm gonna run for the hills! x


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## daisymini (Feb 27, 2018)

mistericeman said:


> Welcome to a mostly invisible group.....
> 
> Days of struggling to find a reason to get up in the morning... Let alone frequent visits and long walks with "the black dog"
> 
> ...



I normally keep everything to myself put on my smile and battle through, I never share my thoughts in my head as a rule and certainly never this public!  But I feel for the friends that know me on here needed a little explanation of my recent behaviour and lack of contact


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## st3v3 (Feb 27, 2018)

I don't have a clue how to help Sue, but I just wish you all the best. 

Have you spoken to anyone professional about it all?

Louise typing: Try to remember that other peoples lives may look all rosy but many are also hiding behind their own smiles. It is also often easier to focus on the negative things when what we should try to do is start focusing on the good things and stuff that has gone well. There are often more of these things than we realise when we start to really think about it.


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## mistericeman (Feb 27, 2018)

daisymini said:


> I normally keep everything to myself put on my smile and battle through, I never share my thoughts in my head as a rule and certainly never this public!  But I feel for the friends that know me on here needed a little explanation of my recent behaviour and lack of contact



Same here as far as keeping things to myself... BUT do you know what... 
Sometimes the relative remote Ness of forums can be a blessing 

Those of us that 'live' with it on a daily basis.... Understand (as much as, any of us 'understand' it,
We all try to find ways to deal with it enough to function.... 

Just try to remember you are VERY much amongst friends on here... And that is worth a heap IMHO.


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## trevskoda (Feb 27, 2018)

daisymini said:


> I normally keep everything to myself put on my smile and battle through, I never share my thoughts in my head as a rule and certainly never this public!  But I feel for the friends that know me on here needed a little explanation of my recent behaviour and lack of contact



Daisy dont panic ,i have studied many books and observe folk and i can tell nearly all including me hide behind a mask in our lives sometime unknowingly.
Some you may easy spot,very tidy clean house but muddled head,nice girl with lots of makup,again a mask,men or woman overdoing sport which is a form of hiding,chap always telling jokes at work,well he has no confidence but this keeps other folk from twiking on etc,comedions fall into this bracket.
So all in all you are not alone and no differant from other folk,if things do get to much please do seek pro help rather than just sit on it.


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## daisymini (Feb 27, 2018)

st3v3 said:


> I don't have a clue how to help Sue, but I just wish you all the best.
> 
> Have you spoken to anyone professional about it all?
> 
> Louise typing: Try to remember that other peoples lives may look all rosy but many are also hiding behind their own smiles. It is also often easier to focus on the negative things when what we should try to do is start focusing on the good things and stuff that has gone well. There are often more of these things than we realise when we start to really think about it.



I actually studied to be a councillor and did my first year, my tutor wanted me to continue ...I'm looking for an answer why I didn't!  To be truthful I didn't believe in it then but I certainly do now.


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## delicagirl (Feb 27, 2018)

Gosh how  brave - thank you for posting this...  i know you will have rung a bell/struck a chord with many folks in this community. i really associate with many of your thoughts and anxieties. 

the most important change i made that saved me from the savage black dog was a decision to stop using alcohol for a while.  i made that easy for myself because  i vowed when i first got the van not to drink alcohol when out in it.     Its not till we are free from alcohol (on a regular basis) that we recognise how crooked our thinking becomes when our bodies are immersed in it. 

I also found huge solace in trips to the coast and wilderness.  The quiet and calm of mountains made me stop, relax, sit, do nothing, rest, read, and chill.....  

But each of us finds our serenity in our own special way.

Reaching out, like you have done, is the first most difficult step on the road to getting life back into perspective.

I am not widowed  - but i have been alone for a long time...   i found  it  VERY easy to become too introspective and  i used to assume everyone was having fun when i was not.....  

Take it steady ...   take each hour as it arrives...   and eat well, do a little walking, (or whatever you like) to get your body out of its slow sad state and very best wishes.... x


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## st3v3 (Feb 27, 2018)

daisymini said:


> I'm looking for an answer why I didn't!



It just wasn't right at the time. Get yourself on your feet and get back to it - you'd have an amazing experience to pass on to others...


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## delicagirl (Feb 27, 2018)

daisymini said:


> I actually studied to be a councillor and did my first year, my tutor wanted me to continue ...I'm looking for an answer why I didn't!  To be truthful I didn't believe in it then but I certainly do now.





Cruse Bereavement Care |    -  maybe a group like this could help also....   and not as expensive as Counsellors?


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## daisymini (Feb 27, 2018)

delicagirl said:


> Gosh how  brave - thank you for posting this...  i know you will have rung a bell/struck a chord with many folks in this community. i really associate with many of your thoughts and anxieties.
> 
> the most important change i made that saved me from the savage black dog was a decision to stop using alcohol for a while.  i made that easy for myself because  i vowed when i first got the van not to drink alcohol when out in it.     Its not till we are free from alcohol (on a regular basis) that we recognise how crooked our thinking becomes when our bodies are immersed in it.
> 
> ...



You make a valid point in my life....I may appear confident but actually the reverse would be true, I am shy and insignificant without a drink, I find confidence to feel ( normal?) only with drink?  I've spent a lifetime relying on that to make me what I am.  i don't think I would have married BOTH my husbands if I had been sober lol.  (OMG looking at this printed text looks sad lol)
I just wish I could find the same happy silly confident person without the demon


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## yorkieowl (Feb 27, 2018)

Sue you've really struck a chord, I always took you as always bubbly and never letting life get you down, I should have know better than to judge a book by its cover. Its amazing how much you can hid your true feelings, even from the closest people around you, although I bet they know something is amiss.  One thing I did learn was, have no regrets, you cannot change what is in the past, so live each day as it comes, or each hour if its really hard, don't think people expect anything from you, most don't, and if they do then bin 'em off, and most important, as you are probably learning from this thread, folks do care and having a good listener helps no end.  As someone said life after bereavement takes many forms, and different time periods for different folks, do see a counsellor, they don't judge.  Take care. xx


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## Boots (Feb 27, 2018)

Hi Daisymini,

We don’t know each other having never met or even posted onto the same topic, as far as I know.

I can assure you that your thoughts/fears are experienced by many many people who like yourself do their best, and get on with life as you are doing in a quiet and purposeful manner.

Not all have the courage to express themselves to others or in such a public way as you have done. 

I think that by tomorrow you will look back at what your friends and forum members have said and what you posted and I will guarantee that you will feel better for having done so.

Then you wil think to yourself ‘that’s better’ and move on more positively than before.


Take care, have fun!


Boots


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## delicagirl (Feb 27, 2018)

daisymini said:


> You make a valid point in my life....I may appear confident but actually the reverse would be true, I am shy and insignificant without a drink, I find confidence to feel ( normal?) only with drink?  I've spent a lifetime relying on that to make me what I am.  i don't think I would have married BOTH my husbands if I had been sober lol.  (OMG looking at this printed text looks sad lol)
> I just wish I could find the same happy silly confident person without the demon



The happy silly confident person IS you  -   she is just hidden away as a mean of self-protection for a while...    have faith  -  you will find a way -  you will...   Expressing the intent, as you have done here, is the first step.  

Postpone the first drink a little later each time.....   you have to focus on it to face it and change it.....   but i have no doubt you can do it....  

i married an idiot drinker when i was SOBER !!!!!  :idea::idea:


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## izwozral (Feb 27, 2018)

Others have a better understanding than I of what you are going through Sue, so really this is just to send you a massive hug [[[[[[]]]]]. You are very brave to bare your soul like this, hopefully, this will be the first step to finding inner peace.

[[[[[]]]] Love and best wishes to you brave lady.


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## REC (Feb 27, 2018)

Sue, haven't met you but you seem like many (? most) people as you show one face to the world and struggle inside. Sometimes it is so much worse than others, you are over the first hurdle by admitting how you feel. Hopefully you will be able to be more open with some people in the future if you are having a bad day. But don't beat yourself up over the past....it is past and situations were different. It is very hard to move on but, as others have said, you are a lovely person who gives a lot to others. Be kind to yourself.


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## campervanannie (Feb 27, 2018)

I always knew you were a wreck on this inside and had this suit of armour on and it has taken the death of a good friend and husband to put a chink in your it but you now need to go through the grieving process to come out the other side and you will in your own good time and I will be here ready to plan our next adventure.


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## daisymini (Feb 27, 2018)

I feel slightly sheepish now I've kind of bared my soul, and as most of you know I don't post often!
But I'm deeply humbled by all of your responses, those that I know and those I don't. 
I don't normally look for public sympathy or recognition but all of you have made me feel valued xxx


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## daisymini (Feb 27, 2018)

campervanannie said:


> I always knew you were a wreck on this inside and had this suit of armour on and it has taken the death of a good friend and husband to put a chink in your it but you now need to go through the grieving process to come out the other side and you will in your own good time and I will be here ready to plan our next adventure.



My armour is off.....I will be what I will be...( not sure that will be a good thing but it will be me worts an all)


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## exwindsurfer (Feb 27, 2018)

Chris here Sue. 

We love you Sue....warts and all!!!

It’s always easy to think the grass is greener on the other side and that other people have it all.....not so.

You’re so brave,baring your soul like that...most of us just keep our ‘failings’ and unhappiness behind a mask..very convincing masks at times.

Hope you find the strength,and it is there, to get through these dark days and back to you.....the one we all love.

You knowI am here for you if you need me and also you have many,many Wildy friends who love you.

Take care my love and hope to see you soon...when you are ready.

Lots of love Chris xxx


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## trixie88 (Feb 27, 2018)

daisymini said:


> My armour is off.....I will be what I will be...( not sure that will be a good thing but it will be me worts an all)



that's it sue, go for it remember   ONE DAY AT A  TIME

TOMORROW IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF YOUR LIFE xxx


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## n brown (Feb 27, 2018)

hi Sue- i've seen you drunk and sober- you're alright , better than most, don't beat yourself up about your feelings , none of us know how to behave , we're all still learning and bumbling along. life gives us varying degrees of s hit to handle , you've had more than your share and handled it well , that i've seen


 
always a spot in my garden if you fancy


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## daisymini (Feb 27, 2018)

n brown said:


> hi Sue- i've seen you drunk and sober- you're alright , better than most, don't beat yourself up about your feelings , none of us know how to behave , we're all still learning and bumbling along. life gives us varying degrees of s hit to handle , you've had more than your share and handled it well , that i've seen
> 
> View attachment 61470
> always a spot in my garden if you fancy



So true Mr Brown,  still trying to work that one out lol


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## campervanannie (Feb 27, 2018)

daisymini said:


> My armour is off.....I will be what I will be...( not sure that will be a good thing but it will be me worts an all)



All the best ladies have warts  and as long as they are not on the end of your nose it’s fine lol


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## Minisorella (Feb 27, 2018)

Sue you really are valued and loved you know, ya dafty  Don't know if you realise but you and Annie are my inspirations in this camping mularky... I figure if you two can do all this alone then I can too. In my eyes you are a gorgeous, fun, lively and confident woman but I do know some of what you've been through and that just makes you all the more inspirational. I realise you've got extra problems to deal with that most of us can only imagine but I promise that at least half the things on your list apply to any one of us... they're just part of everyday human frailty. None of us are anything like as confident or together as we may appear and most of us are riddled with insecurities that we keep behind the mask... I'll grab a fresh toilet roll and write a list of mine for you one day 

The thing is you really *are *brave... you may not think so but you obviously feel the fear and do it anyway - that's the definition of bravery in my book. As my daughter said to me after Martin died when every little thing seemed so difficult and pointless... instead of fearing what you can't do, start celebrating every little vicitory, every single day, and be rightly proud of that success until you learn to believe in yourself again. No idea how she got to be so wise :raofl:


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## daisymini (Feb 27, 2018)

Thankyou Jenny for those lovely sentiments, I think I'm just having a wobble in life and I'm sure I'll get there.  
I just need to make changes to make me a better person x


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## runnach (Feb 27, 2018)

Sue I guess you know I would pop up like a bad penny.

Today is the first part of your recovery by identifying things don't seem right.

I have very little time for so called professionals, but briefly my journey, Alcoholic, suffer long term depression and anxiety that only today .. a friend worried social services involved no idea whats what and too add the health not good. I too had bereavement of a parent , become frankly unemployable and the ex pissed off with my daughter

So I think I have the tee shirt, 

It is a long haul , it is bloody difficult, your self worth becomes non existent, you feel frankly just a drain and in reality socially isolated ?

You have made the right step, I am not far away if you ever fancy a chat and coffee Maureen my moped needs no excuse, What I am suggesting is I really get the gig and non judgemental.

Selfish part possibly helps me too, if my experiences can help in just one situation then good comes from adversity I hope I make sense

Mental illness is so under estimated in the UK it is beyond a joke, access to any service is extremely difficult I know from experience ....anyway don't be a stranger if you need a confidential chat drop a pm 

To paraphrase from one of my pubs... What is said between the two green doors remains between the two green doors ,

Good luck and warmest wishes whatever route you follow 

Channa


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## yorkslass (Feb 27, 2018)

Hi Sue,
Sad to hear your feeling like sh*t about what's gone on in your life. It's  not  a nice way to feel, but if its  any consolation, you've plenty mates. I think most of us look at others and see the happy face they show the  world, but I bet most are feeling as insecure as the rest of us. You are a clever articulate person though you might not believe it. I may be wrong, usually am, but it strikes me that you've  spent your  life  Looking out for everybody else but not yourself. Time to put yourself first, give yourself the love and care you give to others.  I know it's easy to say but a dammed sight harder to do. You've made a start by talking about how you feel. Hope to see you soon, if we get out again.


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## stonedaddy (Feb 28, 2018)

*Suzy*

Hi Sue, goodness that was a sad first post. I thought you had been quiet lately but thought it was the crap weather keeping you quiet. We have had some great days and nights out usually fuelled by a few beers, but we always enjoyed the times. You have had to put up with a lot in your life and Geoff going was probably the straw that broke the camels back. You have been an inspiration to everyone of us wilders with your none stop whit and laughter. I am no expert but I don't think enjoying a few drinks brings depression on, but does help to lighten gloomy moods. We have been together and had far to much to drink, and really enjoyed our times. We have had a few hangovers and had no drink but still kept smiling. You and Annie have had some great journey's together. I think and hope that when the spring comes and a bit of sunshine appears we will hit the road again and normal service will resume. See ya soon XX . :cheers:   ..
.... Tom ....


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## 2cv (Feb 28, 2018)

I struggle to reply to your brave original post Sue, desperately wanting to say something which might help in a small way but not knowing what. I can only say that I and I know many others have great affection for you and great admiration for how you get on with travelling and camping in spite of your problems physically.
I think that it's great that you've realised that alcohol is a problem and not a problem solver. Well done for posting about your feelings, I know you've got loads of support here to help you feel better.


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## GinaRon (Feb 28, 2018)

You are a lovely person Sue, you just need to believe it more.  As everyone says one day at a time, even an hour at a time.  I have my craft room where I can escape - just need an outlet (not for everybody - but it keeps me sane and alive).  Many hugs (and I am not a huggy person) and lots of love and as said you are a Loverly person.  :wave:  Also to overcome the all your problems believe me you are a brave person who does not give in.  :wave:


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## oldish hippy (Feb 28, 2018)

yet again mr b to the rescue with a spot in his garden has helped me through some dark day sue do know what well think i do going through hence why i started whos awake couldnt sleep and still dont sleep that well with it always here at the end of a phone line if only to say boo  the worse days are where you get up and dont do nothing andwonder what day it is is it going to be any different to yesterday


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## trevskoda (Feb 28, 2018)

daisymini said:


> My armour is off.....I will be what I will be...( not sure that will be a good thing but it will be me worts an all)



Honest daisy you will feel much better for coming out.:scared::wave:


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## ian1950 (Feb 28, 2018)

Hi Sue
i think everybody that's replied to your post has said it all.
you were the first person to include us in the gang I find it hard to mix in groups but you really helped.
your a lovely lady drunk or sober and an inspiration to others. Hope this is just a little dip in life's road for you:heart::heart:


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## moonshadow (Feb 28, 2018)

Can't think of anything useful to say that hasn't been said already...you will come out the other side in the end, the journey is tough but you will get there, and we will all be cheering you on.


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## Martlet (Feb 28, 2018)

daisymini said:


> Thankyou Jenny for those lovely sentiments, I think I'm just having a wobble in life and I'm sure I'll get there.
> I just need to make changes to make me a better person x



As a person You are better than many; You are also admired, respected, adored. Any changes that you make can only enable You to better perceive this.

Regards,
Martlet.


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## Tbear (Feb 28, 2018)

We all have physical health and we all have mental health. Sometimes they are intertwine, sometimes separate. You may have a cold or you may have the flu. You can be sad or you can be depressed.
You may need a paracetamol or you may need to get some professional help. What ever you decide do please keep posting.

Richard


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## RoaminRog (Feb 28, 2018)

Sue, I have often told this story to folk who were thinking about joining WC.
Many years ago, at the Station Inn, Ribblehead, we were all singing ou'll never walk alone with our arms waving in the air. One person-in the middle of the room, was waving her prosthetic leg (with a boot on the end of it) in time with the waving hands.
We fell in love with you then, and have never stopped admiring you, in all your moods.
We had been through some really bad times and you were the inspiration that we needed to buck our ideas up and start pulling our lives together again and showing us that with a little bit of courage life could be good again.
Many people hide behind a smile, you are not alone, and with what life has dealt you, we think you are very brave. We know that eventually you will come through your dark cloud and you will realise that you are loved and admired by everyone who knows you.
Big Hugs,
Rog and Chris, xx


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## Flyboy (Feb 28, 2018)

*I Once Shared My Squirrel Stew With You>*

I once shared my Squirrel stew with you.
and that's something i never do. 
I didn't know you then.
I didn't judge you then. 
I didn't pity you then.  
I just liked you. 
so I shared my stew with you.
We all liked you then.
as we all like you now.
Enough Said.


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## campervanannie (Feb 28, 2018)

trevskoda said:


> Honest daisy you will feel much better for coming out.:scared::wave:



That’s something else I always knew about her. 


Just kidding


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## st3v3 (Feb 28, 2018)

campervanannie said:


> That’s something else I always knew about her.
> 
> 
> Just kidding



Just spat my beer out. I knew you two were close, I didn't realise just how close! 




Lol.


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## campervanannie (Feb 28, 2018)

st3v3 said:


> Just spat my beer out. I knew you two were close, I didn't realise just how close!
> 
> 
> 
> ...



You wasted beer on a cheap joke.


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## st3v3 (Feb 28, 2018)

campervanannie said:


> You wasted beer on a cheap joke.



It's OK, it wasn't much


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## n brown (Feb 28, 2018)

meant to say Sue - if you do get checked out and test positive for nuttiness, you can be sure you'll be in good company !


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## Caz (Feb 28, 2018)

Sue, so sorry you are having a bad time. I really can't thing of anything to say that hasn't been said already, but I didn't want it to look as though I was  ignoring you!

As others have said, you are a bit of an inspiration to other solo motorhomers and you help newbies to feel included at meets, thank you.

The grieving process is different for everyone and I think this time of year can be particularly difficult.

Looking forward to getting out and about and meeting up with you in the better weather.


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## Tezza33 (Feb 28, 2018)

daisymini said:


> But I feel for the friends that know me on here needed a little explanation of my recent behaviour and lack of contact


I have recently suffered trauma and it changed me completely, I try to keep it to myself and struggle to behave as I did before but as soon as I am on my own I retreat into a shell, I have not been able to communicate with friends or family like I did before and it is difficult to explain, I went to a few meets last year and you wouldn't know I had a problem (apart from drink:lol-053 but it was hard work and only possible because I had to beat the hurdle, on the way to both meets I could have turned round and gone home, I admire you so much for your frank and honest post, it must have taken a lot of thought and courage to open up like that, not many of us could do it. 

I read a few years ago of a lady with a prosthetic leg who stayed overnight with some bikers or something similar, she showed them how to party and drank from the cup of her prosthetic leg, it was a lovely story and lifted me at a bad time but for some reason I have always thought it was you, if it was can you post the story again and if it wasn't has anyone else seen it


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## jeanette (Mar 1, 2018)

daisymini said:


> My armour is off.....I will be what I will be...( not sure that will be a good thing but it will be me worts an all)



Sue I think your brave for coming out and stating that you have a health problem and that will no doubt lift a heavy weight from your shoulders, for the start of something better and that has to be a good thing as you say it will be you worst and all!! And as Terry says it feels like an impossible hurdle to get over but I’m sure with time you and Terry will come out the other end much better with help from your friends on here,or should that be family because that is what it sometimes feels like even though I’ve never met anyone!


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## Deleted member 52918 (Mar 1, 2018)

I really do feel for you, but I don't really know how I can help you, except that maybe I can pass on some advice that I have come to live by.

A couple of years ago, I started looking after my father in law. When I made the decision to do this, my biggest concern was the loss of my freedom that would result from being the only person that looked after him.
I didn't realise how much it would effect me, until I got up one morning & I was stood in the kitchen making his breakfast, after cleaning him & the bathroom up.

I was looking out of the window at the rain, when a voice in my head seemed to say, what's the point, is there any reason to try & go on any longer?
What do I have to look forward to?
I can't afford any respite care, I can't go anywhere for more than a few hours, I can't use the van I'm converting, I'm always tired.
But then something I was told years ago by my mum came into my mind, she said that if you want to be happy, then try to look for the beauty that is right there, in front of your eyes, when you look at something, really look. look at a leaf, the way it grows, the colour, the texture, the way it's attached to the branch.
When you remember someone, then remember all the good times you had with them, all the little things that made you happy!

So I do, it's amazing how much beauty you can see in people, animals, birds, insects, grass, trees & flowers etc.,
I took up photography, I try to convey the way an image makes me feel, it's good to have something to take my mind off of the cage I now find myself in.

There's always hope, there's always light at the end of the tunnel.

All the very best to you, Phill


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## oldish hippy (Mar 1, 2018)

time 5 t no doubt just working on the van does help as it take your mind of your problemand when it done just take him out even if it t just to local park and park up make tea sit and enjoy your work have been where you have been and owe a lot to this forum and to sue as have talked to sue and been out with the group on a meet and enjoyed the company and have heard of some of sues exploits and they do make me smile in particular the dambusters  song that was performed herein my home town i missed but heard about it and it made me laugh


ps you have some very nice members in scotland no doubt more than willing to listen to  you


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## Trotter (Mar 2, 2018)

*Not just me then ?*

I get good days, I sometime I get great days. But those "dark days", phew! A couple of years ago I bought a lamp from Maplins. SAD, Seasonal Adjustment Disorder. It helps. I'm fully aware that my problems don't even register on the Mental Health scale. And for that, I will always be thankful. I do have memory problems sometimes embarrassing, somethings, not a problem. My motto, if I had one, should be, "tomorrow will be a better day". Unfortunately it' s usually," sh*t happens".       I'm cheering myself up in the knowledge that this snow will go eventually. You can take it from me, I'm not planning a skiing holiday any time soon. Derek


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## maxi77 (Mar 2, 2018)

Like many I have had my problems though things are a lot better now and and I can survive without anti depressants and counselling. How you finally get over it will be your path but counselling does help, and so do antidepressants. I started with my GP whos practice did have in house counselling and have worked on from there. I was also lucky that my employer when I worked had an anonymous counselling service admitting mental health problems in the workplace was a real no no back then. Good luck, you have taken the first step and that is the most important one, just keep going forward looking for the things that make you happy.


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## Trotter (Mar 2, 2018)

maxi77 said:


> Good luck, you have taken the first step and that is the most important one, just keep going forward looking for the things that make you happy.



I'm getting a little concerned that I may have made you concerned about me. Please don't. Like a lot of us re born teenagers ( I like that, if I could I'd give myself a "like"), sometimes I get the feeling I'm being left behind. I've got to be honest, things like computers baffle me, even the simplest thing has me asking, how do I do this. Nine times out of ten, I'm given the answer straight away, but i can hear the "Tut" in the background. I'm 70 years young, still working, but only one more year ( honest ), still got my health, well after a bit of help from the NHS. 
Let's just say, I can understand what people mean by The Black Dog.
Cheer up and put the kettle on. It might not help, but a least you'll get a cup a tea out of it, Bye now. Got to put the kettle on, Nik's making hints that I should shift my ***. Dadad


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## Tezza33 (Mar 2, 2018)

maxi77 said:


> Like many I have had my problems though things are a lot better now and and I can survive without anti depressants and counselling. How you finally get over it will be your path but counselling does help, and so do antidepressants. I started with my GP whos practice did have in house counselling and have worked on from there. I was also lucky that my employer when I worked had an anonymous counselling service admitting mental health problems in the workplace was a real no no back then. Good luck, you have taken the first step and that is the most important one, just keep going forward looking for the things that make you happy.



I agree with you about counselling and antidepressants, I was lucky to be admitted to a head injury clinic, only once a week but I was meeting other serious head injury survivors and getting help from professionals, I had been refusing antidepressants which my Doctor had offered because I didn't want to go down that route (I confess now that I didn't want to accept that I was depressed), I had sessions at the clinic with a psychologist who explained things to me, modern antidepressants are not like the older ones, less chance of becoming addicted being one of the benefits, he suggested a couple of them and gave me a letter for my GP, I started on 50mg of sertraline, I was told it could be increased if it was felt I needed it but I don't think I do, Maggy says I am happier and take things in my stride the same as I did when I was younger, I still don't like gatherings but I am not taking them for that. 
Anyone who is having problems please get professional help because it will be the best thing you can do. 
Thanks to Sue for OP, it might help a few others


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## oldish hippy (Mar 2, 2018)

anti depressants work they keep me on stable well i assume stable enough an d have been without them withdrawal is crap and it enough more so when off them keep chugging them down get through the day even if it a bad one just hope for light at end of tunnel


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## runnach (Mar 2, 2018)

I think the number of members admitting they have had issues demonstrates mental health is more prevalent than people think ..It isn't a weakness but an illness just like the flu (not something you can help)

Whilst it is great we are out the "closet" I hope the lurkers that don't feel quite right , seem agitated ,,take the brave step to see their docs and get the support that they need 

Channa


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## daisymini (Mar 4, 2018)

Thankyou to everybody for your kind and encouraging words,  my mood is a little lighter but still not out of the woods.  I think the last year has taken its toll And to now find I've lost my independence as I cannot wear my leg as I've done to much and created myself a medical problem that seems difficult to resolve.
I wouldnt mind if it was the other leg (that's useless too) but then at least I would be able to drive!
At the moment it feels like Groundhog Day, I just seem to get up waste a day and go to bed!
Even the simple tasks of day to day living are grinding me down as everything takes twice as long and twice as much effort.  I'm sure this will pass I just need to work it out without resorting to the antidepressant route.  
On a lighter note ...yes I was that woman with the bikers lol
And hopefully I'll get back to my jolly self soon....
Much love and thanks to everyone for keeping me up.......xxxxxxx


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## Herbenny (Mar 4, 2018)

Hang on in there Sue ......Grief is **** to be frank !!! it has taken me to some dark places too these last few months, where I have asked the very same questions as you... what's it all about ? 

I really hope that you get stronger with each day and your independence returns to what it was and get out on your travels again.

Your perception of yourself is not what your portray to others believe me ...your pretty damn amazing !! 


Take care x


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## oldish hippy (Mar 4, 2018)

sorry to hijack nice to see you jaq


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## trixie88 (Mar 4, 2018)

hiya sue..........i went thru exactly the same feelings as you.........so i can relate to how you feel.......i loved DIY work , decorating, gardening.......cycling, dancing, wooping it up at 70s music weekends.......doing what and gong where i wanted...in fact it was always me doing things for others and enjoyed it.  still young in my head......lots of things i still wanted to do.....then as you know my bones have badly let me down.  in so much that i cannot get around or do things that came second nature to me.

it did take a lot of adjusting to..   and still does at times......but you will get there sue..give yourself something to aim for each day....even the simplest of tasks  that you accomplish,  look upon it as an achievement and praise yourself for it.

even getting up in a morning tell yourself i am going to get thru this ........its hard to start with ut it does get easier. it doesnt happen overnight tho,   im sure things will iprove for you soon,,,,you have strength and personality on your side.

keep smiling sue.....oh by the way, i will lend you my driver if you want, ....lol.........but hopefully you will be back in the driving seat before too long........take care cos we care.....trixie & mandy.xxxx


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## daisymini (Mar 4, 2018)

trixie88 said:


> hiya sue..........i went thru exactly the same feelings as you.........so i can relate to how you feel.......i loved DIY work , decorating, gardening.......cycling, dancing, wooping it up at 70s music weekends.......doing what and gong where i wanted...in fact it was always me doing things for others and enjoyed it.  still young in my head......lots of things i still wanted to do.....then as you know my bones have badly let me down.  in so much that i cannot get around or do things that came second nature to me.
> 
> it did take a lot of adjusting to..   and still does at times......but you will get there sue..give yourself something to aim for each day....even the simplest of tasks  that you accomplish,  look upon it as an achievement and praise yourself for it.
> 
> ...


Thankyou Trixie, I may take you up on your driver offer lol. ( not sure Mandy would agree!)
Maybe that's what I need to find? A driver first and foremost and then perhaps a boba job man to do the bits I'm struggling with


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## kimbowbill (Mar 4, 2018)

daisymini said:


> You make a valid point in my life....I may appear confident but actually the reverse would be true, I am shy and insignificant without a drink, I find confidence to feel ( normal?) only with drink?  I've spent a lifetime relying on that to make me what I am.  i don't think I would have married BOTH my husbands if I had been sober lol.  (OMG looking at this printed text looks sad lol)
> I just wish I could find the same happy silly confident person without the demon



I love you xx


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## Ed on Toast (Mar 4, 2018)

Sue, we all can view the world, not through rose coloured glasses but through s*it stained ones.

We all tend, as many other have said, to view our lot as worse than those around us.

I have known you for a couple of years now, we have been drunk, we have been sober but I can honestly say some of the mornings spent chatting in or outside your van over coffee have been priceless for me. On many occasions you have put my thoughts into perspective and turn my moans into laughter. 

I value your friendship and consider you one of my closest friends in Wild Camping. I know many other feel the same way about you too.

So, in this thread you have stepped out from behind your own, protective facade, laid bare how you are currently feeling, lets be honest you have had a hard time of late and that takes some strength. Many others will now have the confidence to maybe do the same. You have empowered them by your actions here.

Thank you for being you  :wave:


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## Trotter (Mar 5, 2018)

*Black Dog Day*

I hope it was purely coincidental, you know writing on this subject. Then the Black Dog hit me, both barrels. I really wasn't ready for that. Although, thing back, the signs were all there. A little short tempered, a tear just waiting listening to a piece of music ( I'm not giving my "trigger" album's names here. I don't want everybody knowing what a sad s*d I am. Clue- It isn't the Osmonds). I like to think of myself as easy going, fairly active. But yesterday I took to my bed, curtains closed, and just had a day, pretty much to my self. Not fair on Nic, I know. Tea, peace and quiet has done the trick, I think. Well I'm telling you all about it, so I must be better than yesterday.
Cheers all, have a good day, I'm going Dadad


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## n brown (Mar 5, 2018)

still tring to find out more about this , as there is a friend who could relly use it. if i was suffering i'd try it like a shot Microdosing mushrooms for Depression... : microdosing
sorry if i posted this before


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## izwozral (Mar 5, 2018)

Read the second post in the link and someone was using LSD for treating his/her depression:scared: Pretty risky I would have thought, some people have never been the same since taking LSD and this is decades later! A bad acid tab = a bad trip and they can be soooo scary. Even a quarter of a microdot can swing both ways, LSD is very very powerful. When it is good, it is beyond blissful but when it is bad, it can be absolute hell.


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## n brown (Mar 5, 2018)

i know , i survived the 60's , i even survived being disturbed from a pleasant trip by Arthur Brown running past me with his head on fire , screaming. cheers mate .
anyhow from what i've read , the doses are almost undetectable, hence ''micro  dosing'' but there's mushrooms and weed to try too


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## izwozral (Mar 5, 2018)

n brown said:


> i know , i survived the 60's , i even survived being disturbed from a pleasant trip by Arthur Brown running past me with his head on fire , screaming. cheers mate .
> anyhow from what i've read , the doses are almost undetectable, hence ''micro  dosing'' but there's mushrooms and weed to try too



No he didn't you only thought he did.:wacko::wacko:


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## delicagirl (Mar 5, 2018)

daisymini said:


> Thankyou to everybody for your kind and encouraging words,  my mood is a little lighter but still not out of the woods.  I think the last year has taken its toll And to now find I've lost my independence as I cannot wear my leg as I've done to much and created myself a medical problem that seems difficult to resolve.
> I wouldnt mind if it was the other leg (that's useless too) but then at least I would be able to drive!
> At the moment it feels like Groundhog Day, I just seem to get up waste a day and go to bed!
> Even the simple tasks of day to day living are grinding me down as everything takes twice as long and twice as much effort.  I'm sure this will pass I just need to work it out without resorting to the antidepressant route.
> ...



Great to see you are "buggering on"  as Churchill used to say !!!    You say   you dont want to use antidepressants ...  I had 3 months off work in the 1980's and  i fought against them fiercely.  i saw no way out of my dilemma at the time and was in despair. Eventually my wonderful GP said to me  "think of it as a temporary support -  we'll wean you onto them, stay on them for a short while and we'll wean you off them again as soon possible."   He was, of course, right.   The medication period helped me become calm, sleep properly - but most importantly they helped me get things into perspective.  I am glad i took them.  They helped me see a way forward.   You might want to consider them as a short term palliative  - if that is what your doctor thinks.  The modern ones are not addictive.   Whatever you decide to do  -  keep coming back here....   ask questions, whatever they may be.   None of us know who here has had personal experience which matches our own and who can offer new relevant insights to your own mobility problems.  This community is HUGELY  knowledgeable on such a wide range of stuff...  its  Gobsmacking !!!!     Best wishes


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## delicagirl (Mar 5, 2018)

Dadad said:


> I hope it was purely coincidental, you know writing on this subject. Then the Black Dog hit me, both barrels. I really wasn't ready for that. Although, thing back, the signs were all there. A little short tempered, a tear just waiting listening to a piece of music ( I'm not giving my "trigger" album's names here. I don't want everybody knowing what a sad s*d I am. Clue- It isn't the Osmonds). I like to think of myself as easy going, fairly active. But yesterday I took to my bed, curtains closed, and just had a day, pretty much to my self. Not fair on Nic, I know. Tea, peace and quiet has done the trick, I think. Well I'm telling you all about it, so I must be better than yesterday.
> Cheers all, have a good day, I'm going Dadad



Thank god it wasn't the flaming Osmonds....  you'd  have deffo been on the naughty step in my house  !!!!


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## runnach (Mar 5, 2018)

delicagirl said:


> Thank god it wasn't the flaming Osmonds....  you'd  have deffo been on the naughty step in my house  !!!!



That could cheer him up !!

Channa


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## Trotter (Mar 5, 2018)

delicagirl said:


> Thank god it wasn't the flaming Osmonds....  you'd  have deffo been on the naughty step in my house  !!!!


 
Let's go with Anita Baker, Andy Fairweather Low, maybe Peter Green, now there's a reason to stay off LSD.

Plus, it shouldn't need me to remind you that, "If you can remember the 60's, you weren't there".

Funnily enough, I remember the 60's, perfectly well. I have trouble with this week. Last week, the week before..........

Bye the way, as a newbie, I'm enjoying this site. When the weather improves, I may do some motorhoming, instead of writing. Had the van since early February, not turned a wheel yet :sad:

Stay calm Dadad


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## delicagirl (Mar 5, 2018)

Dadad said:


> Let's go with Anita Baker, Andy Fairweather Low, maybe Peter Green, now there's a reason to stay off LSD.
> 
> Plus, it shouldn't need me to remind you that, "If you can remember the 60's, you weren't there".
> 
> ...




Some of us are wimps  in cold weather  (me included)   others go hell for leather into deepest snowiest scotland  .....       (however AndyJanet  reliably informs me there is no snow where-ever he and Janet are  looking for it in Scotland !!!    Bang goes his plans to test out his van in deepest snowiest Scotland prior to going much further north !!!!)

My van has been sorned sinced Xmas  -  been very busy for last 3 months  ...   but i will install more insulation this week now that spring has arrived....   i am  started to get excited now at the thought of going off on my travels again......


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## runnach (Mar 5, 2018)

izwozral said:


> Read the second post in the link and someone was using LSD for treating his/her depression:scared: Pretty risky I would have thought, some people have never been the same since taking LSD and this is decades later! A bad acid tab = a bad trip and they can be soooo scary. Even a quarter of a microdot can swing both ways, LSD is very very powerful. When it is good, it is beyond blissful but when it is bad, it can be absolute hell.



I think there are two general issues to consider.

long term effects as you state re mushrooms and such as lsd seem relatively unknown. Don't forget the impact of thalidomide in the 60s which despite trials had disastrous results,

Current favourites like sertraline or fluoxetine don't work for everyone they are interrupters aimed as far as I can tell to stimulate serotonins and endorphins but their value is limited which leads to the next point and often overlooked

GP's are that general practioners not mental health specialists who can prescribe drugs GPs cant. GPs refer to specialists access to whom in the mental health field are extremely difficult to access typically 18 week lead times minimum yet it wouldn't be acceptable to leave someone with a broken leg 18 weeks in A & E I cant see a logical explanation for this , the difference between a broken mind and leg , The cynic says the mind cant be seen so that excuses lack of funding.

Anixety and depression seem to be generic terms, when people do get to see specialists often a more specific diagnosis is given eg bi polar , Borderline personality disorder as examples. Recent years due to better knowledge the profession are identifying in adults particularly that Johnny thick kid at school has a condition many on the autistic spectrum etc different treatments as per condition yet symptoms often overlap.

It is this lack of knowledge, and the difficulty professionals have identifying sometimes who are experts I would be wary of going the mushroom or LSD route.

I think at the moment we are scratching the surface in mental health, until it attracts similar funding to general medicine little progress will be made or at least hampered.

Channa


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## Minisorella (Mar 5, 2018)

daisymini said:


> Thankyou to everybody for your kind and encouraging words,  my mood is a little lighter but still not out of the woods.  I think the last year has taken its toll And to now find I've lost my independence as I cannot wear my leg as I've done to much and created myself a medical problem that seems difficult to resolve.
> I wouldnt mind if it was the other leg (that's useless too) but then at least I would be able to drive!
> At the moment it feels like Groundhog Day, I just seem to get up waste a day and go to bed!
> Even the simple tasks of day to day living are grinding me down as everything takes twice as long and twice as much effort.  I'm sure this will pass I just need to work it out *without resorting to the antidepressant route*.
> ...



A lot of people use this expression and it saddens me because it sounds as though people think anything is better than 'resorting' to pills, like it's a bad thing to do or it's giving up in some way. Actually, it's a very proactive and positive thing to do and a really good step in turning things around.  Modern SSRIs are nothing like the old-style pills that I think are the reason for the attitude towards anti-depressants. SSRIs use your own body's natural serotonin and prevent it from being 'wasted'. Serotonin naturally makes you feel more positive... 'happier' if you like. SSRI's don't change you in any way at all, they're not addictive, they don't make you manic or high, they don't make you drowsy or zombie-like... they just make sure every bit of your natural serotonin is available to you to even out the lows that you're feeling. Once you climb out of those lows, you begin to feel a bit more like yourself and can enjoy being you again. Anti-depressants are just a tool, a bit of kit that's just the job for certain situations - like antibiotics when you have an infection or paracetamol for a hangover - and will likely help you work everything out about your day to day life much faster than without them because you'll have a bit of control back and will be able to think more clearly and logically.

Yep, voice of experience... I fell into a deep slump over a year after I lost Martin and just after my worse time of year - Christmas and New Year. Grief and loss and loneliness hit me like a punch in the gut again, as raw as if he'd just died. It was like a dawning realisation that he _really _wasn't coming back, that I'd lost my best friend, I had no-one to share everything with anymore, this wasn't a temporary thing but really was my life now and I just didn't like it... not one tiny little bit. I did the whole hibernating thing. closed the curtains, gradually didn't bother to get dressed, didn't answer the phone or the door and eventually didn't get out of bed or eat for several days. I had the holiday of a lifetime to look forward to... a six week visit to my daughter in Australia with lots of adventures planned but I didn't give a damn and couldn't even think about it or make a start on packing a case or anything. After a week or so, I obviously knew this just wasn't me and it wasn't right and Martin would hate to see me like this but I couldn't do anything about it on my own, so I chose to get some anti-depressants. They helped keep me out of the deep lows and gradually climb out of the spiral. Within a few weeks I was feeling much more like the cheerful eternal optimist I've always been and began planning and making lists and packing and really looking forward to my trip and seeing my daughter. By the time I got back from that amazing trip in the April, I felt totally myself again and ready to tackle anything... bring it on world, I can handle it!  I took the pills for the full six months and would go back on them in a heartbeat if ever I ever feel that way again.


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## mark61 (Mar 5, 2018)

Perhaps look on anti depressants as a tool.


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## harrow (Mar 5, 2018)

I tried St John's wort for a month, I thought this is rubbish it's had no effect on me.

After I stopped taking them I noticed the change in my mood drop so there is a natural alternative.

:rockroll:


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## n brown (Mar 5, 2018)

mushrooms are natural too, even the magic ones


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## runnach (Mar 5, 2018)

Minisorella said:


> .
> 
> Yep, voice of experience... I fell into a deep slump over a year after I lost Martin and just after my worse time of year - Christmas and New Year. Grief and loss and loneliness hit me like a punch in the gut again, as raw as if he'd just died. It was like a dawning realisation that he _really _wasn't coming back, that I'd lost my best friend, I had no-one to share everything with anymore, this wasn't a temporary thing but really was my life now and I just didn't like it... not one tiny little bit. I did the whole hibernating thing. closed the curtains, gradually didn't bother to get dressed, didn't answer the phone or the door and eventually didn't get out of bed or eat for several days. I had the holiday of a lifetime to look forward to... a six week visit to my daughter in Australia with lots of adventures planned but I didn't give a damn and couldn't even think about it or make a start on packing a case or anything. After a week or so, I obviously knew this just wasn't me and it wasn't right and Martin would hate to see me like this but I couldn't do anything about it on my own, so I chose to get some anti-depressants. They helped keep me out of the deep lows and gradually climb out of the spiral. Within a few weeks I was feeling much more like the cheerful eternal optimist I've always been and began planning and making lists and packing and really looking forward to my trip and seeing my daughter. By the time I got back from that amazing trip in the April, I felt totally myself again and ready to tackle anything... bring it on world, I can handle it!  I took the pills for the full six months and would go back on them in a heartbeat if ever I ever feel that way again.



Summed up perfectly ! lack of motivation, prompting to take food nutrition, the feeling of social isolation ,,you got it in a nutshell having been there myself.

However and relates to my earlier point I am now questioned as having Aspergers syndrome which would explain a lot and many of the traits are very similar.

But what is important and I endorse what you say 100%  seeking help is ok, slowly stigmas are being broken down, I think we have adequately demonstrated on this thread that MHI has no respect for backgrounds , gender etc .

I am glad you feel a bit better to fight, as others have said re Sue, you too are a person that one wouldn't suspect as having had issues, there is a moral to the story here I think for all of us.

Channa


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## runnach (Mar 5, 2018)

harrow said:


> I tried St John's wort for a month, I thought this is rubbish it's had no effect on me.
> 
> After I stopped taking them I noticed the change in my mood drop so there is a natural alternative.
> 
> :rockroll:


 St Johns wort works for some people not others the same as some prescribed interrupters .Forgive me for sharing what I have been told on various occasions and perhaps stating the obvious, On NO ACCOUNT should it be taken with prescribed anti depressents It is one or the other,

Channa


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## maxi77 (Mar 5, 2018)

channa said:


> St Johns wort works for some people not others the same as some prescribed interrupters .Forgive me for sharing what I have been told on various occasions and perhaps stating the obvious, On NO ACCOUNT should it be taken with prescribed anti depressents It is one or the other,
> 
> Channa





Like many I tried this as an alternative to drugs and found it made me worse. I would suggest that if you try it do it with care and watch how you react to it


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