xmass cracker joke

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we have trimmed up today, and we found an old cracker from last year so we pulled it and this so called joke was in it (WHAT DO THEY CALL AN UNDERGROUND TRAIN FULL OF PROFESSORS) any ideas???? will post answer later, and then more than likeley be told to leave this site for good :D:D:D i think its called :)eek::eek:sent to coventry) :D:D:D.
 
we have trimmed up today, and we found an old cracker from last year so we pulled it and this so called joke was in it (WHAT DO THEY CALL AN UNDERGROUND TRAIN FULL OF PROFESSORS) any ideas???? will post answer later, and then more than likeley be told to leave this site for good :D:D:D i think its called :)eek::eek:sent to coventry) :D:D:D.
OK! I think if my mind is as corny as a cracker, its gotta be
"a tube of smarties"
guess who writes cracker jokes part time?
:D :D sundown
 
Can they get any worse?:eek::eek:

I'm sure someone will take up the challenge.

Come on Nick.:):D
 
OK! I think if my mind is as corny as a cracker, its gotta be
"a tube of smarties"
guess who writes cracker jokes part time?
:D :D sundown
yep got it in one you ether do write cracker jokes or you shop in the same penny pinching 99p shops that i do:D:D:D
 
Yip, they got worse.:D:D:D
OK here's a wee story.
Have you ever wondered why there is an angel on top of an xmas tree?

Not long ago at the north pole, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip...but there were problems everywhere.

Four of his elves were sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More Stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a wee nip of whisky. When he went to the cupboard, he found the elves had hidden the whisky, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he dropped his glass and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the he kitchen floor.

He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from.

Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was
a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said: "Where would you like me to put this tree Santa?"

And that my friends, is how the little angel came to be on top of the Christmas tree.
ha ha ha ha! :D :D :D sundown
 
OK here's a wee story.
Have you ever wondered why there is an angel on top of an xmas tree?

Not long ago at the north pole, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip...but there were problems everywhere.

Four of his elves were sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More Stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a wee nip of whisky. When he went to the cupboard, he found the elves had hidden the whisky, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he dropped his glass and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the he kitchen floor.

He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from.

Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was
a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said: "Where would you like me to put this tree Santa?"

And that my friends, is how the little angel came to be on top of the Christmas tree.
ha ha ha ha! :D :D :D sundown

:DThats a cracker ,Sundown:eek::D
 
OK getting back to xmas cracker so called jokes

an honest politition, a friendly bank manager, and santa claus were walking down the street when they spotted a £20 note on the pavement
which one of them picked it up?
i'll post the answer tomorrow
oops, today!
sundown
 
OK getting back to xmas cracker so called jokes

an honest politition, a friendly bank manager, and santa claus were walking down the street when they spotted a £20 note on the pavement
which one of them picked it up?
i'll post the answer tomorrow
oops, today!
sundown

I know! :D I know! :D I know :D





None of them.

Because none of them Exist.
 
your wrong geoff!!
santa claus picked it up and he DOES exist
cos I want a sat-nav from him this year
:D :D :D sundown

That confirms it. I KNEW my parents lied to me when they told me he didn't.

I bet the Tooth Fairy really exists as well and they only told me that so they could pinch my Sixpences.

:mad::mad::mad::confused::D
 
That confirms it. I KNEW my parents lied to me when they told me he didn't.

I bet the Tooth Fairy really exists as well and they only told me that so they could pinch my Sixpences.

:mad::mad::mad::confused::D

What are sixpences:D:D I used to get 20 pence,I wanted false when I was a kid
 
These are bad ????????

what do you give a train driver for xmas???????????
:D:D:
PLATFORM SHOESSSSSS

A christmas thought!!!!!!
:D:D:
STRESSED IS DESSERTS BACKWARDS HA HA

Whats the most popular wine at christmas???????
:D:D:
I DON'T LIKE SPROUTSSSS

ONE MORE I HERE

What did Adam say on the day before christmas?????
:D:D:
ITS CHRISMAS, EVE HA HA
 
What are sixpences:D:D I used to get 20 pence,I wanted false when I was a kid

c'mon now!
I dont belive anyone on this site can't rembemer a sixpence
I still have a tin full of old pennies, ha'pennies threepenny bits, sixpences,(tanners) bobs, two bob bits,half crowns, and ten bob notes
I can still remember buying a suit for £14/19/11d
has any-one else saved some real money?
 
yip from my fairground days i got loads off half pennys/tanners/bob bits (shillings ) silver threpences/half dollers/farthings /even got a white fiver/ ho for the days fish n chips a bob / 5 woodbines 9d / pint o bitter 1\6 / gallon of petrol dare i say it 2\6/
go out on a saturday nite with 3 quid fags supper and well drunk and mabe have change
 
what do you give a train driver for xmas???????????
:D:D:
PLATFORM SHOESSSSSS

A christmas thought!!!!!!
:D:D:
STRESSED IS DESSERTS BACKWARDS HA HA

Whats the most popular wine at christmas???????
:D:D:
I DON'T LIKE SPROUTSSSS

ONE MORE I HERE

What did Adam say on the day before christmas?????
:D:D:
ITS CHRISMAS, EVE HA HA
Someone has opend there crackers early havent they.
;)
 
c'mon now!
I dont belive anyone on this site can't rembemer a sixpence
I still have a tin full of old pennies, ha'pennies threepenny bits, sixpences,(tanners) bobs, two bob bits,half crowns, and ten bob notes
I can still remember buying a suit for £14/19/11d
has any-one else saved some real money?
Well i may be showing my age now but i can remember spending fathings and silver sixpence
 
Back to the jokes.

What do:-
A London suburb, A Scottish town, A European country, and A South American river, all have in common.
 

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