hospitals

[Coolasluck]

A 75 Year Old Lady rings her local NHS hospital and this conversation follows:

'Hello I'd like some information on a patient, Mrs Tiptree. She was admitted last week with chest pains and I just want to know if her condition has deteriorated, stabilised or improved?'

'Do you know which ward she is in?'

'Yes, ward P, room 2B'

'I'll just put you through to the nurse station.'

'Hello, ward P, how can I help?'

'I would just like some information on a patient, Mrs Tiptree, I was wondering if her condition had deteriorated, stabilised or improved?'

'I'll just check her notes. I'm pleased to say that Mrs Tiptree's conditioned has improved. She has regained her appetite, her temperature has steadied and after some routine checks tonight, she should be well enough to go home tomorrow.'

'Oh that's wonderful news, I'm so happy, thank you ever so much!'

'You seem very relieved, are you a close friend or relative?'

'No, I'm Mrs Tiptree in room 2b. Nobody tells you f**k all in here

 

[cipro]

That reminds me of these old ones

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[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Doctor, Doctor I feel like a pack of cards. [/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]I'll deal with you later ![/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Doctor, Doctor I feel like a pair of curtains [/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Well pull yourself together then[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Doctor, Doctor I feel like a spoon ! [/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Well sit still and don't stir ![/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Doctor, Doctor I feel like an apple. [/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]We must get to the core of this ! [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Doctor, doctor, I feel I'm a ball of string. [/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Oh, get knotted! [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Doctor, doctor, I feel I'm a bookkeeper. [/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Now, now, you mustn't ledger self go. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Doctor, doctor, I feel I'm transparent. [/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Yes, I can see you're not all there. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Doctor, doctor, I feel like a bar of soap. [/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]That's life, boy. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Doctor, doctor, I feel like a bucket. [/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]You do look a little pail. [/FONT]