Funny sayings

kimbowbill

kimbowbill

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i was walking round the car boot at Whitby on sunday and i was listening to a chap and the stall holder bartering, the chap must have offered something really low, the stall holder said 'nah, can't do that pal, i've got a small family and large wife to feed' thought it was witty and good, anyone else got any funny sayings to share with us

J
 
Well Bill, I,m so unlucky that if I fell into a barrel of ladies breasts, I,d come up sucking me thumb......Bob
 
Saw a comment on here which tickled me "sweating like a paedophile on a school bus".
 
Saw a comment on here which tickled me "sweating like a paedophile on a school bus".
Click to expand...

A variation on this is

Sweating like a Glaswegian at a spelling contest :D

<Ducks & runs for cover>
 
Whenever I asked my mum how old she was, she would say I'm as old as my tongue and a bit older than my teeth!! :confused:
 
Some people are like 'Slinky's'. Not much use, but they make you smile when you throw them downstairs!
I am amused at what people say every day without realising how stupid the 'line' is.
Is this seat taken?.......NO IT'S STILL BL**DY THERE!
Is any one sitting here?....NO IT'S PIGGIN' EMPTY!
Is this your seat?.....NO IT BELONGS TO THE SO**ING PUB!
Etc, etc.
Makes you smile, don't it just?.....Paol.
 
LaughingHeart said:
Some people are like 'Slinky's'. Not much use, but they make you smile when you throw them downstairs!
I am amused at what people say every day without realising how stupid the 'line' is.
Is this seat taken?.......NO IT'S STILL BL**DY THERE!
Is any one sitting here?....NO IT'S PIGGIN' EMPTY!
Is this your seat?.....NO IT BELONGS TO THE SO**ING PUB!
Etc, etc.
Makes you smile, don't it just?.....Paol.
Click to expand...

lol, your right, like my mum, phones me at home and says 'hello love, are you at home' doh,
 
Thick as a canteen cup
If he/she had two heads he/she would kiss him/herself
don't complain about the tea,you may be old and weak some day
this car is rubbish it wouldn't pull you out of bed
are you talking to me or chewing a brick?
 
Your slower than a Tax rebate.
Put thi shirt back on, cruelty mons coming.
If wit was sh-t, you'd be constipated.
Nice top, looks like two kids fighting under a blanket.:D
 
As dim as a Toc H lamp
If you had brains you would be dangerous
 
Overheard in a butcher and poulterer store in Wiltshire: "I fancy some pheasant, have you got a well hung cock?"
 
LaughingHeart said:
Overheard in a butcher and poulterer store in Wiltshire: "I fancy some pheasant, have you got a well hung cock?"
Click to expand...

Hi. Here's a guy with a large erm...

bigcock.jpg
 
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Work this one out????

Two fellers from County Kerry met on the street. One said, "Is that yourself Michael?". The other replied, "Tis indeed Shamus,And why such glumnity?".
Shamus answered, saying, Me poor 'ole Dad got up an' died". "When was that?", asked Micheal. " Let me see now, if he was alive today, it would have been a fortnight", was the reply.

:confused::confused::confused:....Paol.
 
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