christmas eve

[tony]

the 3 paddy's died on christmas eve , st peter met them at the gates of heaven & said as it was christmas eve they would have to have something to do with christmas.
paddy the englishman took out a lighter & lit it saying it was a candle,good said peter you can enter.
paddy the scotsman took keys out & jingled them saying they were bells good said peter you can enter.
paddy the irishman held up a bra & panties, what the f..k are they asked peter, they are carols said paddy.very good said peter you can enter.

happy christmas to everyone.
tony

 

[simsy56]

Very good!
Here's another.

2 Scousers arrived at the pearly gates.

St Peter says, "you can't come in, Scousers aren't allowed"!

"Oh come on, it is Christmas after all". said the Scousers.

"l don't think so, but l will ask God on this occasion". and off he goes.

God flatly refuses them entry. St Peter went back to the gates with the news, and returning to God, says, "They've gone"!

"Good", says God. "l knew they would understand".

"No", said St Peter, "The gates................ they've gone"!

 

[simsy56]

And another.

A man, sick of life decided to become a monk, the silent type. He saw the Abbot, and he agreed that he could becomes a monk and said. "You are welcome here, but, you are not allowed to speak or utter a single word, just pray, silently. However, after five years have lapsed, you can have one minute to speak with me only". "OK" he says, and joined.

After five years, the Abbot said, "You can speak with me for one minute only, is there anything you have to say"?, "Can l have some sugar in my tea? It tastes bloody awful", said the man. "Yes", replied the Abbot.
Another five years lapsed and the Abbot said, "You can speak with me for one minute only, is there anything you have to say"?. "Could l have more milk in my porridge?, its too bloody dry"! said the man. "Yes", said the Abbot.
Another five years lapsed and the Abbot said, "You can speak with me for one minute only, is there anything you have to say"?. "Yes, l want to leave, l have had enough". said the man. "Well thats fair enough", said the Abbot, "you have done nothing but complain since you came here"!