Special Scottish Fruitcake Recipe

fergie1061

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You'll need the following:

1 cup of water

1lb of sugar

4 large brown eggs

2 cups of dried fruit

1 teaspoon of salt

15oz of brown sugar

A smidge of Lemon juice

1 1/2lb of nuts

1 litre bottle of 10 yr old malt whisky.

NB: Always Sample the whisky first to check for quality.

Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it truly is Malt of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Then - Repeat.

Place the bowel on the mixur bashe, Turn on the electric mishker, beat one cup of butter in thu large fluffy bowl. Add half of all the sugar and beat again.

Make sure the whisky still tastshes okay. Hic! osh shorry!!!

Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Beat two leggs and add to one of the bowlsh, and chuck in the dried fruit. Mix on the tuner. If the fired druit mishkster gets stushck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Remembersh velity imporshtanish toosh Siplish the whiskey to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sif..shuf...shuit two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Pusht awul thus itherush stufsh in oany wunsh ofsh Thu tower bowlish and once aginfekin Chick the whisky.

Now sift...sookush...sguizzedith the lemon jooooosh and strain your nuts. Add one table....baaaaaaarph! ...ekscooshith mu! ...Spoon. Of fekknows or sumfing....Whatever you can find. Yohohoandawaywego!!....time for drinky poos......whurs shat buttle?...

Oh aye, eh...uhu!...Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beast off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window. Wipest doon a tabelsh wae the cat, und Check the whisky again.

Pusht umpty buttlesh in binsh, and go to bedsh!

Who the **** likes fruitcake anyway!
 

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